Last night, Ben and I got into a little fight. He off-the-cuff said something that really hurt me. I knew the meaning behind what he said, but because of things I had been thinking earlier in the week, his words really hurt me.
Ok, I’ll explain: Ben loves music. Loves it. Breathes it, dreams it, lives it. Music is a part of him. He could study it for hours. He spends hours researching tiny, minute details.
Ben loves music, but me, eh, not so much.
Yes, of course, I enjoy music and there are songs I love. However, I do not have a passion for it. I can’t tell you the name of most of the artists on my iPod, and I sure don’t know who is coming to town anytime soon.
It may seem weird to pair a girl who is kind of ho-hum about music with a guy who is so crazy about it. That’s what I was thinking. While hanging out with some friends of ours, I noticed that the girl was pretty into music, just like her guy. She knew bands who were coming to town and she had fun stories of shows she had been to and loved. She was very exicted to talk about music and she obviously had a passion for music (she doesn’t play, just loves it). I though, “Am I selling Ben short by not loving music too? Am I really a good match for him? Why don’t I share his passion?”
Pair that with being tired and some other little “life” things and I got really defensive and pouty when he responded to a ho-hum comment I made with “Well then maybe I married the wrong girl!”
He apologized right away, of course, and he didn’t really mean the words he said. He was simply trying to say – “What do you mean you aren’t interested in watching a DVD of a U2?!?”
We eventually talked it out and I told him my concern over me not sharing his passion. I was afraid to hinder him in it, and because it’s so important to him, it should be important to me. I was tearful and had been doing most of the talking, but after expressing my concerns to him, my music-lover said something very relevant and something that I needed to hear.
“Did you know that Katheryn Bigelow (director of The Hurt Locker) and James Cameron (director of Avatar) were married? From 1989 to 1991.” I said something back and was thinking – we’re having a serious conversation and he’s talking about the Oscars! But he continued: “What do you think their passions were?” “Movies” I said. He said “Exactly. They were both passionate about the same thing, but it didn’t make their marriage work. We have different passions but we balance each other out.” He told me that he’s ok with me not have dreams of a life of music, but as long both of our primary dreams involve each other – and that our marriage is our biggest passion, we’re just fine.
I love that man, as crazy about music as he is.
Oh, and just because I haven’t seen it recognized yet: Demi Moore’s dress last night was amazing: