A Different Kind of Beautiful

Tomorrow our sweet little world is going to be turned upside down. My maternity leave is up and I have to go back to work. I’ve been dreading this day since Lydia turned one month old. It’s not that I don’t want to go to work (I do! I love my job!), or that I’m afraid to leave Lydia (she’ll be with her dad, what a blessing!), it’s just that I am so sad for this special season to end.

These past 12 weeks have been the absolute best of my life! I couldn’t have imagined a more beautiful, special, wonderful time! I have looked forward to having a baby for my whole life, and as I have said before, all the goodness I thought it would be didn’t even touch the goodness that it actually has been. Welcoming our daughter into our home has been nothing short of perfection. My heart has been so full and I feel like I’ve been living a dream every day. I just can’t believe that tomorrow it ends.

Ok, sure, I’m being dramatic. I am so fortunate because when my work day ends I’ll get to come home to my precious girl and spend the next day cuddling her all day. Thankfully I won’t have to face being away for two days for at least another month. If I’m being very honest, I’m super thankful I have my job to go back to. I like working and I really do love what I do. I like that I’ll have an identity outside of the home, and I’ll have a chance to interact with my friends. I like knowing that my job is secure, our income is secure and we have good insurance because of it. I just would like my job and all of those things even more if I only had to go two days a week instead of three 😉

Well, actually, if I’m being super honest about what I really want it would be to redo the last twelve weeks and experience this joy all over again! Savor every moment even more, kiss her perfect little lips more (would that even be possible?), bottle that newborn smell. I’d even go through labor and birth all over again if it meant I got to go back to December 16th again. Le sigh. I guess this is life. It constantly moves on, changes and evolves into something that is a different kind of beautiful.

Tomorrow, I will kiss my beautiful baby goodbye and go care for someone else’s baby. As I type those words the Lord reminded me what a special gift my job is. I feel so honored to do what I do, really, I do. I am so thankful for it, and I am even more thankful that when I swipe my badge at the end of the day, this sweet face will be waiting for me…

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…and that is the most beautiful blessing of all.

xoxo

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